All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
