And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
