question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
