If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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