I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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