My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
