Well apparently he's into motor boating.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
