Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
