you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
