no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
