Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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