His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
