So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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