where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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