Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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