My friends, they love my intelligence
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
