thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
