My hand turned me down
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
