haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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