u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
