It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
