You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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