you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
