Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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