Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
