Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
