You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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