I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
