his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
