I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
