I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
