Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
