i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
this boner is exhausting
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
