im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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