i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
