Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
