I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
