Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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