Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
