Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
