Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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