I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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