i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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