I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
