No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You took a bar mat shot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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