Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
