Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize