I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
