did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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