the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
