I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
