I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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