My cat gives me a boner
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize