If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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