two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
