there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize