i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
