yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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