I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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