would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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