He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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