all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize