I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
