I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
