i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
