My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
