Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
