i think i have herpe
just one?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
