my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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