he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i dont even know how to be here
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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